TRAINED BY & MEMBER OF THE FELLOWSHIP OF PROFESSIONAL CELEBRANTS
It still allowed me plenty of people contact, but with freedom to manage my diary and workload. What I hadn’t bargained on though, was finding such a passion for celebrancy (a truly unique and privileged role), and how things would develop to date. My path began with general funeral work, which brought me into contact with all kinds of families and people across the Midlands.
Thanks to great training from the Fellowship of Professional Celebrants, and a large dose of natural empathy to boot, I felt well-prepared to deal with all the scenarios this can throw at a person. I learnt never to judge, to give people time to talk, and how to gather up a story and piece it together, in order to give people a send-off they deserve.
If a life is honoured and recognised appropriately, it can give the remaining loved ones a sense of completion, something positive on which to re-build their future; and that’s a job worth having.
I was a year or so into my career when I got the call most celebrants dread, despite preparation in training, “could I take a baby service?” I remember panicking at first, because I didn’t know if I could, I adore children so much. How do you ‘remember’ a life that’s so short? What was I going to say? And how would I deal with the parents? There’s always that sense of worry about saying the wrong thing. But then I remembered, the parents are like anyone else. They need comfort. They just need their baby to be recognised, their place marked on the planet. I could do this …
Over 200 baby services later, and after the unexpected death of my lovely husband Dan, (Dan facilitated my love of baby funerals as he earned well, it meant that I didn’t financially need to take a fee) I needed to take a little break, especially with the adult funerals; so my role has developed to more of a volunteer advisor.
I regularly take calls from new or inexperienced celebrants with the same questions that I had. I provide them with outline services, and material, and talk them, sometimes for hours how to conduct the service, what to do, where to stand, what to say; and what not say.
It’s important to make everything as personal as possible, no two babies are the same.
I give little gifts to remaining children, I encourage them to contribute a few words to the script – anything that makes them feel involved, a drawing, a gift of a toy. I encourage them to blow bubbles of love with me during the reflection music, walking up and down blowing bubbles everywhere, over the parents, over the little coffin too. Bubbles of love from the parents to their baby, and bubbles of love from the baby to the parents and the whole congregation.
I give a bracelet to mum, a key ring to dad, seeds for the garden, and a star for the Christmas tree, and these are given usually when I turn up to conduct the service.
I have my own page Twinkle baby and child loss support and resource on Facebook, (https://m.facebook.com/Twinkle-Baby-and-Child-Loss-Support-and-Resource-108428294187638/). Parents contact me regularly to ask for advice on what to do, where to go; they maybe worried about the financial side of paying for a funeral. Sometimes they just need a listening ear.
Another aspect when saying goodbye to a little one is their clothing.
This wasn’t even considered ten years ago when I worked in pathology, but to give a parent a chance to see their baby dressed properly, is very important.
I now work with four seamstresses to create packs of beautiful custom-made clothing, in a variety of miniscule sizes, from 12 weeks and under, they are more of a satin pocket, as dressing a child of that gestational age would be impossible. I provide clothing for babies up to 40 weeks, and also children up to about 4, one lady gave me a huge array of christening gowns from her shop that was closing.
I am truly thankful for the help of these women who sit for hours and again make no charge.
I gather blankets that have been knitted by numerous people in all colours and sizes, all tastes are catered for, from the whites, pinks, blues and lemon, the more vibrant reds, purples, and oranges.
A normal week in my home now involves taking collection of old wedding dresses to provide the fabrics. These are then washed and pegged out to dry. (If my neighbours didn’t know me, they’d think I was a serial divorcee!). Alongside the fabrics, the kitchen is always full of boxes of trimming, bows, tiny teddy bears and beads – things to brighten up the outfits, and create the packs we give to parents in the baby’s memory.
I can’t describe how moving it is to receive letters of thanks from the parents after the services; for their feelings just to be acknowledged means all the world to them.
This work was recognised in 2019 and 2021 when I won several awards. Firstly two from The National Celebrant Awards for ‘Funeral Directors Choice’ and ‘Influencing the wider profession – Funeral Celebrancy’ presented to me by Civil Ceremonies director Anne Barber. Anne is also the director of The Child Funeral Charity, a charity very close to my heart.
Then in 2021 I was nominated for The Global Celebrant Industry Awards (TCIA) and scooped the prestigious title of ‘Industry Favourite – Funerals’ this was absolutely wonderful, to be recognised once again by the funeral industry.
I am so proud Dan got to see the first two before he passed away.
My elevated profile helped in other ways too. I was given a refrigerated ‘cuddle cot’ from a charity, which I deliver to funeral directors on a regular basis, I also set up the cot in the homes of parents, dressing the baby and putting the little one in the cot until the funeral. It allows parents to have their children in a more natural setting, it also means that the parents do not have to travel to a hospital in the middle of the night to sit with their little one, sometimes with other children in tow. Creating memories for the parents is so vitally important, taking photographs if they want to, holding and bonding with their little one.
Between the cot and the baby outfits there’s a lot of work, but it’s given me real purpose. To know you’re making a difference to the lives of other people is so important. I pay for all the postages myself; I pay for the chemicals for the cuddle cot, the wipes and anything else that is needed, travelling miles to help a family. I post packages all over England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales; occasionally abroad too.
People sometimes send me stamps, I am so appreciative of that, it makes such a difference to me.
As Maya Angelou said, “People will forget what you did, they will forget what you said, but they will never forget the way you made them feel.”
Sharon is based in Staffordshire and can be contacted at: www.sharonweavercelebrant.co.uk
